


Hunters

by FuryRed



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 15:47:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7940236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryRed/pseuds/FuryRed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean’s rules for being a hunter:<br/>1.	Be brave<br/>2.	Be selfless<br/>3.	Do not fall in love with angels</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hunters

 

 

Dean Winchester felt like he had a pretty good idea of what it meant to be a hunter.

Hunters were supposed to be strong. Fearless. Determined. One could argue- obsessed. Dean knew this very well- it was the same dogma that had been drilled into him from an early age by his father. He knew it was his responsibility to save people- to protect them, and to look after his brother.

Of course hunting was a predominantly male-led profession, one that came with a side of toxic masculinity. You had to be ‘manly’- you had to drink beer and shun emotions and hit on women. Dean embraced that also. He was good at picking up girls; he liked flirting, he loved knowing that he could go home with almost any woman he wanted- their home, most of the time, but occasionally his hotel room if Sam wasn’t there.

Whenever he had a night off, or even sometimes when he was working, Dean would turn on the charm and the ladies would come running. He tried not to think about the fact that maybe what he really liked about picking up girls was the intimacy- the feeling of being close to another person, even if it was just for one night.

There were things as well that Dean knew hunters were absolutely not supposed to do. They weren’t supposed to show weakness or fear. They weren’t supposed to be selfish and put their lives above those of defenceless civilians. They certainly weren’t supposed to fall for angels with piercing blue eyes.

Dean fought it for the longest time. It had been so long since he’d allowed himself to truly love anyone that he didn’t even know what the feeling was like anymore. But he felt it, every time Castiel looked into his eyes.

Dean tried to hide it. He would say _“I need you”_ or _“You’re my family”_ , but what he really meant was _“I’m devoted to you”_ and _“Please tell me that you love me too”_.

He didn’t know if he was hiding it very well, because sometimes Cas would look at him and it was like a declaration- his eyes saying ‘ _I’m yours’_. Or maybe Dean was being too hopeful…

He often wondered if Cas knew the depths of his feelings. He was an angel, so surely he knew everything? There were times when Dean would awake from sleep- mind slipping from a dream where he and Cas were honest, and together. He would wake to find Castiel sitting on the bed next to him, looking down at him questioningly. Cas had come into Dean’s dreams before. Had he done it more than once? Had he watched Dean dream about a life where he and Cas shared a bed?

Questions were frustrating, so Dean tried to ignore them. He continued to be a Good Hunter. He knew he would make his dad proud. He would protect his little brother. He would absolutely not summon Cas out to where he’d parked his car in the middle of nowhere. He would certainly not grip Cas by his trenchcoat and pull him closer. He would definitely not kiss Cas under the stars; relief seeping through his soul as he and Cas fell into each other.

It was a hard being a hunter. It was tiring keeping up appearances. Dean decided to allow himself one night- just one night. That’s what he told himself when Cas was fucking him in the backseat of his car. That’s what he promised when he was sliding his tongue into Cas’ mouth. One night. Hands in his hair. One night. Lips on his neck. One night to live- without obligation or expectation. One night to think about nothing; to feel nothing but Cas filling him completely, to see nothing but the starlight in Cas’ eyes. One night.

Of course, it didn’t exactly work out that way. As it happened, there were many more nights.

Hunting was a very time-consuming job. It took Dean and Sam all over the country, but where Dean ended up most often was in Cas’ arms. He saw vampires and ghouls and demons. He saw the curve of Cas’ ribs and the shudder of his body as he came.

But it was all just temporary, of course. Dean had such responsibilities. The world was on his shoulders- it had been since he was four years old. He had a job to do. Destiny had a plan for him. Fate had spoken.

Then again, it was hard to listen to anyone speaking- fate or otherwise- when your mind was in another place. It was difficult to hear anything at all when you were lying naked in a hotel room with an angel above you, beneath you, all over you. Dean gave himself to Cas, and suddenly there was no plan- no scheme in mind; no higher power than the feeling of Cas’ hands on his body, no greater design than the majesty of Cas’ mouth on his cock.

Sam didn’t know, of course. He couldn’t tell Sammy... It’s not like Dean thought he would judge- sometimes he would catch Sam looking at him and Cas together and it was like he already knew, and he’d already given his blessing. But Dean couldn’t take that risk. He couldn’t be selfish. Sam had already given up so much- he’d lost so many people he loved. Who the hell was Dean to allow himself one moment of happiness whilst his brother still suffered?

And so, the secrecy continued, but it was getting harder every day. Sometimes Cas had a hard time understanding the complexities of human communication- sometimes he struggled with seemingly simple things like sarcasm and slang, so how was he supposed to understand the social necessity of maintaining a secret like this? But Dean only had to say _“Please, it’s important to me”_ , and Cas tried- Dean could tell he really tried.

Still, there were times when they were alone and Cas would question it. He would ask Dean why they couldn’t hold hands in public like the other couples he’d seen. He’d ask what he was to Dean- what he could call him. Dean would grin and reply _“You can call me whatever you want, as long as we’re alone”_ , and Cas would smile with his mouth but not with his eyes.

Dean shouldered two rounds of guilt now. He carried the guilt of lying to Sam, and the guilt of making Cas live a lie. Brilliant. Dean thought back to that day all those months ago when he’d kissed Cas for the first time- how colossally stupid a decision that had been. But he knew, were he to ever have that moment again, he would do exactly the same thing. He would always choose Cas.

And he did, every time they were alone. But it got to a point when Dean and Cas were arguing more than they were fucking- not about demons and angels and the damn apocalypse. No, they argued about honesty. About transparency. About their ‘relationship’, and what it meant to both of them.

Cas had told Dean that he loved him. They’d been in the backseat of Dean’s car, as they so often were, and Cas had been looking at Dean intently- fierce blue eyes staring into sunflower green. They lay in stillness- only the sound of their laboured breathing filling the air and rain falling softly outside their safe haven. Cas had opened his mouth and said _“Dean…”_ , like he had so many times before, however recently it had seemed like that ellipsis meant something was coming- a declaration that Dean wasn’t sure he was ready for. And so, every time Cas has spoken Dean’s name in previous weeks Dean had stopped him before he could continue- by changing the subject, by leaving the room, by kissing him. But then for some reason Dean didn’t want to stop him, and so he lay under Cas- looking up at him and waiting, before finally there was an afterthought to the ellipsis- an affirmation of love.

Dean hadn’t said it back though. Part of him wondered if Cas knew already- Dean felt like he was singing it from his soul with every breath, but of course Cas had a tendency to be a little bit dense when it came to reading human emotions. No, he probably didn’t know after all.

The declaration had solidified their coupling, although maybe that had actually happened long ago- in that first moment that they’d touched. Maybe it had happened long before that, in all of those times when their eyes said everything their mouths could not.

Still, it was official now- conclusively real between them, and not just a moment of madness to be ignored later. That could only mean that it was time for them to officially tell Sam.

Dean was bricking it. He’d never been so nervous in his whole life, in spite of all of the tense and trying situations he’d found himself in before. This was next level.

Dean consoled himself with the thought that- if Sam did react poorly- then Dean could always get Cas to wipe his memory, though Cas has pulled a face when he’d suggested that. No, it was fair to say that, actually, there would be no going back after this. But Dean knew that the biggest part of him didn’t want to go back- that he could never return to a life when he and Cas weren’t together, that he didn’t want to live a life where either of them had to hide.

He wanted to hold Cas’ hand. He wanted to call him ‘baby’ in public. He wanted to curl up next to Cas in cafes and bars and restaurants. He wanted Sam to be his best man at their wedding.

When it happened, it was not the organised reveal that Dean had envisioned. Dean and Sam had been sat in their motel room together, watching trash TV and eating junk food. Sam had made some crack about Valentines’ Day- questioning why Dean wasn’t out on the prowl, as he usually would be, and Dean had just blurted it out: _“I’m in love with Cas”_. Then it was like he couldn’t stop- the dam holding in his thoughts had crumbled, and he was confessing everything to Sam- telling him how he and Cas had been together for months, how in love they were, everything really- probably more than Sam wanted to know. Dean stared hard at the ground as he did it, words falling out in front of him.

There was a long pause after Dean had finished speaking, and then Sam had laughed. Dean whirled to look at him, confusion and despair playing across his face, but Sam only looked back fondly.

_“Dean, you’re an idiot”_ , Sam had said. Dean was sure he was right, but why? Then it hit him. Sam really had known about them all along. They smiled at each other for a moment, and then that was it- they went back to eating and watching TV.

When Cas had called later Dean told him that they didn’t need to meet in secret anymore- Cas could come pick him up at the motel room. He hadn’t knocked at the door like a normal person though, he just... appeared in the middle of the room, scaring Dean and Sam half to death. Cas stood in the centre of the room uncertainly for a little while, before Dean rose and grabbed him by the hand- pulling him towards the door.

_“We’re going out… don’t wait up”_ , Dean had said, opening the door. Then, before stepping outside, he’d leaned up to kiss Cas- just because he could. Cas looked exorbitantly pleased when Dean had pulled away, following Dean as he walked outside.

_“Hey- you promised no chick-flick moments!”_ , Sam shouted as they left.


End file.
